It was a good feeling for awhile.
I've been single for like half a year now and yes I do miss being in a relationship. But there's something in me that keep backing out to find the one. I feel like I am so ready, But I don't want to be committed with someone, Yet I still want a serious relationship.
I've been thinking what is wrong with me. Why am I feeling this way? I am scared that if I find someone it'll be gone that quick and I'll end up crying again? Am I scared to hurt someone because I don't feel the same way as they feel towards me? Do I really just want sex? But if I do, why am I scared to have fun and with other single fellas out there?
I like to think that I want to be in a relationship, But I don't (this feeling sucks I don't really know what I want).
One night I went to this online dating website were I met my ex. Its been a year since I was online and I said why not. I was clicking profiles but I couldn't match with someone I like. I talk to different people but none of them interests me. So I guess I'll go back to sleep. After a minute, I got a notification from someone who viewed my profile. I wasn't going to open it, But I received a message from that person. Filipino ahhhhhh. I hate dating flips. I have been with 3 flips and they all have the same habit that irritates me so much. Being DRAMATIC.! Yes flips are so dramatic, even me myself and I'm tired of drama. Oh well lets go back to that person who messaged me.
We talked for like a hour exchanging messages getting to know each other and then we followed each other on Instagram and Facebook. After that night we didn't talk anymore. Days and weeks have gone by and nothing, never heard of you.
After long period of time that we didn't talk I saw you on Facebook. You posted a picture of you and his friends. I said why not say hi. That day we talked again, and then we decided to meet up and watch a movie. Oh by the way I hate movies when meeting up with strangers. Its were everything happens(making out, jacking off, blowjobs).Thats what people do. Oh hey I don't go that far so don't think that I actually do those stuff in the cinema. Anyways, I just hate movies with a stranger.
Tuesday, we met downtown for a movie. Damn you were late. I hate when people are always filipino time (when you set a time to meet up and show up an hour late or longer). Thats how filipinos are. Well not all. We watched magic mike XXL. I was pretty much paying attention to the movie the whole time so we didn't talk a lot. Yes nothing happened haha.
After the movie we went to eat. That is where both of us started talking. you have a good voice, you're a dancer and also you're nice and funny. It was a long night and I had fun chilling with you. It's been forever since I went out on a date and I must say It was a well day spent. We said goodbye and went separate ways. I don't know when will I see you again But whatever.
We've been talking on the phone and texting since that day. I like talking to you But I don't feel it yet. I don't wanna rush things and tell you I like you if I wasn't sure how I feel towards you. I don't do that. Thats like the worst feeling ever. When you tell someone you like them but you're not really sure. I don't wanna be with the person you don't really like and you'll have to let yourself learn how to love them. It's not right. Well anyways. I don't know what I'm saying but you get my point. Don't tell someone you like him or her unless you mean it.
You've been saying you miss me and you wanna see me. Isn't it too fast? I miss you too but I don't wanna tell you how I feel right now.
It's been weeks and were still talking. But I still think Its too fast to go on to the next level.
It was your birthday July 14. We went out for a drink and celebrated your birthday. That night there was an AX event happening at the fly night club. I wasn't going to go but my friend invited me and your friends invited you too.We decided to go and said we'll meet each other inside.
11pm we arrived at the club you were there with your friends and you introduce me with them and I introduced you to mine. After a minute you grabbed my hands and pulled me with you near an empty space. You pushed me against the wall and you tried to kiss me. It was that moment I told my self no. Not right now. I don't want too happen everything too fast and then I said lets go back to your friends. We went back and I went to dance and drink with my friends. We were drinking, while you're dancing when my friend pulled me and told me"Hey wasn't that you're date awhile ago?". My friends were laughing at me. I pretended I was laughing when I saw you making out with your friend. I was mad. I was jealous. That night I didn't talk to you. You kept calling me, But I didn't answer.
Am I too slow? Were you tired of waiting for me? It's not even a month and now you're acting like you've been waiting for me forever and you couldn't wait thats why you made out with some random guy? It was that moment I almost fall for you, But thank God I did not.
I told you what happened and you were sorry. I didn't feel the same way after that. But you didn't stop. You wanted a second chance. I said we can try as friends for now. I honestly felt really bad for myself. I thought you're the one, But I guess I'm wrong. But how am I supposed to look at you the way I used to?
After what happened we became friends. We hangout, we go eat, we walk around downtown. But you still want me. You want me in your life, But idk anymore.
Why cant you just take everything slow.
